Ever since I was young, I was the guy who always had a smile on his face. I mean like 90% of the time. Any where I went, any where I was spotted, any encounter. I, Pablo Morales was the smiling kid.
Smiling would help me put on a façade or a filter to mask the many emotions I feel at any given moment.
When I visit Mexico, I've learned not to smile as much. I just experience life differently. I try not to stand out. I am always happy to see the people I love.
When I was studying in Europe, I truly learned not to smile. Many Europeans don't smile when they are out and about with their day. During studying abroad, I made it a goal to not stand out as an "American", especially during the political turmoil happening in the United States.
Even when I reverted back to my "typical smiling," I never truly reverted back.
It's okay not to smile
By not smiling, I am learning to express myself more. I can be in a great mood but not smile? Yes, I can! By smiling all the time, it taught me I wasn't true to myself. I wasn't being fair to myself. I was defrauding myself. How can I be a real person if I can't express myself?
Am I happy?
You're asking yourself this question? Is Pablo Morales, actually happy with himself? Yes, I am happy.
Has it been hard to love myself? Yes. Overall, happiness does not fall into one size fits all scenario.
There is a side of me that I am afraid to explore. I have a battle ahead. I am still looking for this battle with a smile or frown.